‘The Moment I Knew My Marriage Was Over’: Divorced People Over 50 Share Their Stories

Being a divorced older adult is a far more common occurrence than it was even a few decades ago.
In 1990, roughly 5% of folks 65 and older were divorced. By 2022, that number tripled to 15%, according to new research from Bowling Green State University, based on U.S. Census Bureau data.
Sociology professor Susan L. Brown, the researcher behind the project, speculates that longer life expectancy as well as the higher rates of divorce among subsequent marriages may play a role.
“This cohort of individuals experienced the divorce revolution in the 1970s as young adults, and many eventually remarried,” Brown said in a press release from the university. “We know that remarriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages, which could be one cause for the increase.”
We asked HuffPost readers who divorced later in life to share the moment they realized their marriage was over. Here’s what they had to say about their splits.
Responses have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.
1. “He left in the midst of a spectacular cliché of a midlife crisis after 27½ years of marriage. He didn’t know if he wanted to be married anymore and loved me ‘like a relative.’ About nine months later, I woke up one day and realized I was happier without him.” — E.P.
2. “My husband and I worked at the same company but in different offices. I decided to go meet him at his office since I was done with work early and checked to see if his work calendar showed any meetings left that day. He had blocked me from looking at his work schedule.” — Jeri S.
3. “When after 25+ years and two kids, he admitted to serial cheating because he thought he had given me an STD. He hadn’t. He’s gone. I have the kids — now grown but still with me — the house, a fiancée, and never speak to him. Life is much better. I have no idea what his life is like. I don’t really care.” — Heather F.
4. “Knowing a single moment it was over is hard to pinpoint. Knowing the single moment things changed is easy to pinpoint. Four counselors said she was the problem. At some point I finally had to respect myself again since she clearly didn’t. It would have been too easy to stay. I was ecstatic the day the divorce was finalized.” — Greg F.
5. “My mother-in-law said, ‘I don’t know how you can stand him.’ It hit me like a ton of bricks. I did absolutely everything to run our household and family with three children and twins in this mix. The only thing I didn’t do was cut the grass or blow the snow, which he did under duress. When we separated and my children and I took over these publicly-seen-not-silent chores of manhood, I realized he was seasonal help — and not very reliable in this way and many, many others.” — Mary Beth K.
6. “When I got a text obviously meant for someone else.” — Deborah V.
7. “I told him I needed him to care and be more attentive sexually, and he told me he didn’t care if I was pleased.” — KT O.
8. “When I considered keeping a gun under my pillow for my safety. Which is too late and ridiculous to think about it now. My last two years of a 22-year marriage were mentally and physically draining. I lived and slept in the garage of my own house.” — Amy M.
9. “The moment I knew it was over at the age of 57 after 33 years of marriage: When my disabled adult daughter and I came home after a week visiting family in another state and he had cleared out of our home and left me a note on the kitchen counter.” — Nancy H.
10. “When my wife told me that we say ‘I love you’ too much.” — Mark A.
11. “I needed serious spine surgery. He was pretty good at taking care of me. Then I got an infection in my spine. Needed another trip to a New York doctor who immediately put me in the hospital. Husband said, ‘Oh, my God. I have to go to work. I just took a week off.’ Blah blah. I said, ’You have worked there for 30 years and your wife now needs emergency surgery. Tonight. I don’t think they’re going to fire you. We lasted a few more years — 32 all together.” — Alyce F.
12. “None of that drama in our 34-year marriage. We grew apart and both knew it was not what we wanted. He’s a good man, I’m a good woman, but we simply don’t want to be together anymore. I chose to leave the house and property to him as he doesn’t like change. I was 53-years-old and just lost an arm in a car accident, so I knew I would have to learn a new lifestyle. No sense in forcing him to do the duty thing because he would have and we would both still be unhappy. He’s fine, I’m fine, and our three children understand this journey.” — Ann A.
13. “When she got me audited by the IRS because she won money gambling and didn’t tell me.” — David P.
14. “I was blindsided. He showed up, holding the hand of our mutual friend who rented rooms in our house, after I’d been told I was awarded disability income. He said, ‘You’re old, broken and not making money anymore. This isn’t what I signed up for, I want a divorce.’
“I was furious and shattered for about two weeks. Then decided he wasn’t worth my anger and energy and began plotting out my new future. Right now? Life is amazingly good. I have achieved so many of my dreams that I wouldn’t have gone after with him.” — K.E.
15. “When the counselor asked him to say something nice about me and his response was, ‘You have a nice face.’ That was years after him telling me I should wear my glasses more often because it made my face ‘more interesting.’” — Carolyn A.
16. “When I realized that life is too short and also too long to be so unhappy with a person who was simply unwilling and incapable of change and growth. That it would be better to be alone and talk to myself for the rest of my life than to be with someone who had given up on himself and was just taking advantage of me financially and otherwise.” — Bess J.
“I realized that life is too short and also too long to be so unhappy with a person who was simply unwilling and incapable of change and growth.”
17. “When I realized the house rules that we had together for our teenager were being played. Basically, my then-husband was allowing drugs and truancy from school for our 16-year-old and keeping it from me. There were two standards in the house: When mom was home and when she wasn’t. Good cop/bad cop. It was crushing to my trust.” — Karen J.
18. “He stopped asking if I was OK when I randomly hurt myself, was ill, in pain, etc.” — Rachel H.
19. “We were getting therapy. I brought up the lopsided distribution of housework. He insisted that he did half. I could see that he believed he did half. It was ridiculous, but he was very prepared to debate the point for 20 minutes. I imagined my 20-minute-in-the-future self. She would be 20 minutes older than me and tired from the argument, but no closer to anything that meant anything to her. That was the point I knew. We didn’t progress on small issues and had no realistic hope of success on big issues.” — Gigi D.
20. “When my son said, ‘Ma, why you still with this guy? There’s plenty of fish in the sea!”’ — Wendy W.
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21. “When he put his hands on my teenage son. I should have left way before.” — Sheryl T.
22. “Thirty years of emotional abuse and neglect. Financial abuse. Three separations. When my youngest finished college and was on her own, I realized I was drinking several drinks each afternoon after work so I could tolerate being around him when he got home. I told him I didn’t want to be married to him anymore. I had to access retirement funds to pay for my divorce.
“When I finally got my own place and laid down on my bed for the first time, a wave of relief washed over me. Ten years later and I am in intensive therapy for severe major depressive disorder and C-PTSD. I wish I had known then what I know now.” — Paula R.